oh go on, you keep blanking me. because one day, i wont even be here for you to have the choice to blank me.  

so here it goes..

friday, 21’st october. my 4 year old cousin went into a coma. friday, 28th october, if my little solider doesn’t wake up, they’re pulling the plug on him. for the past two days ive sat there, watching all these wires come out of him, praying he’ll wake up.. im hoping.

friday, 21’st october, my mum found out about me cutting. i called her a crap mum, for not knowing ive been doing it for months, years in fact. truth is, shes not. shes been there when my dad wasn’t and even now when his not around anymore, she’s kept this family going.

friday, 21’st october, i sat on my bed, thinking about how good the past few days had been, how close i became to katie, even though. i knew it would come between kirsten’s and katie’s friendship, i liked it. i felt so comfortable.

thursday, 20th october, on my way home. i thought about how much im hurting people and how much im beginning to hate myself for it. after words of music, i realized how i can only get so close to someone, untill something gets in the way. at this point, i was giving up.

saturday, 22nd october. my attempt of suicide. right after going on my new medication, i was thinking straight. i promised my friends i wouldn’t slit anymore, i couldn’t do that to them, not again. after writing a 5 page suicide note, i gulped down 40-50 tablets. i cant remember falling asleep, which was a good thing. in my suicide note, i told them i died peacefully, and i wasn’t in pain. 

sunday, 23rd october, i woke up. i’ve never been so disappointed in my life.